


The Adventures of Doggerman

by OblivionDTD



Series: Oblivion's crackfics and stuff [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Squall must save the puppies, Written for NicoB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 07:30:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6070552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OblivionDTD/pseuds/OblivionDTD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where puppies are in danger, one man will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe. He is DOGGERMAN. (aka Leon)</p><p> </p><p>Written for NicoB since he has now made Leon and Puppies a thing like he made Komaeda and Bagels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventures of Doggerman

Leon stood on the top of a building in Traverse Town for no reason in particular, as one does in the beginning of a hero story. "There is so much suffering." He said aloud to no one. "And none suffer more - " he turned dramatically. "-then the puppies. People are always too selfish. They don't think of the poor things in their suffering." Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. "If no one is going to protect you, little puppies, then I will." He stood triumphantly, raising his voice as one does in their origin story. "I will become the beacon of hope that leads you to your safety. I will protect you from the evils that shroud the world. I will-"

"Leon! When your done being angsty and emo and obsessing about puppies, Aerith says dinner is ready!" Yuffie called out from the ground below him.

With the mood thoroughly ruined, Leon came down from the roof and went to eat dinner before Aerith came out and scolded him like a child (which she always did when he was being extra emo). "I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow. Hang in there little guys. I'll save you."

* * *

**The next day**

Leon once again stood on the building wearing some sort of Ninja/Superhero costume. His cape, which had images of Dalmatian puppies printed on it, fluttered in the wind as he said dramatically, "Today, I begin my journey to save all puppies. I am the only one capable of saving them." Leon reflected briefly on how long it took Sora to find the puppies. He claimed it was the fault of someone named 'NicoB', but Leon wasn't buying excuses. "I  _will_ save them. I ***** **pause for dramatic effect*** am Doggerman!" At that, Leon tapped into Komaeda's bullshit powers and took off into the sky, determined to save all the puppies in the entire universe!

* * *

Doggerman landed in a strange world. There were monsters everywhere but they looked...friendly. "There must be a puppy in need somewhere around here." Then, he spotted it. A dog that appeared to be smoking a dog treat. That was bad for his health! if he continued to smoke those dog treats, he could do serious harm to himself. "So that's it. I must stop that poor puppy from killing itself with bad habits! Though admittedly it seems a bit big for a puppy, but I still must save him." He strode on over to the dog and said to him "You there! My name is Doggerman and I am here to save you from the dangers of smoking!" 

"Did something just move?" The dog looked around cautiously. "If something moved, I'll make sure it never moves again." 

After dealing with some of the strangest battle mechanics he'd ever experienced in any game he was in, Leon spoke to the dog again. "I am not your enemy. I am here to save you, for I am Doggerman!" 

"I don't know who you are, but I don't need saving. I can take care of myself without some weird thing that can pet me without moving helping me." the dog, Doggo as he had learned from the text boxes in battle, ducked back underneath the sentry station. It seems that Leon's PR campaign to stop smoking didn't work. Drat.

"But I will not give up. I must save all dogs! Hear me, dogs and puppies alike. If you are in need, just call my name. I will come to rescue you. The hero of justice who protects the the friendliest and most innocent of creatures, Doggerman, will come to save the day!" He took off into the sky, seeking out more puppies in peril.

* * *

Leon landed in yet another place he didn't recognize. But if he was brought here, then there must have been a puppy in trouble! So he began his search for the puppy in need.

He trekked the land for about a whole 15 minutes before running into a familiar dog. It was the King's dog, Pluto! "Pluto." Leon called the dog's name. Not recognizing him at first, Pluto began to growl. Leon removed his mask and the dog ran over to him, barking happily. "Hey there, boy. You lost?" Leon pet Pluto's head and the dog began running in circles happily. "Come on, boy. I'll take you back with me. I can't allow a dog to be on his own out in a place like this. Who knows how dangerous it is?" Pluto, however, didn't want to go with him. So he started running in the opposite direction. Leon chased him valiantly, but eventually lost him. He failed yet again to save a dog in need. Deciding to return home for the time being, Leon turned to leave with one last thought. "I guess saving puppies is harder than I thought." He'd have to remember to apologize to Sora later.

Though he probably still wouldn't.

* * *

 

The end?

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there Picky Penguins and Nico (if you're reading this). I made this because someone needed to and I was encouraged by the stream chat. Hope you all enjoyed this travesty because it was way too fun to write. Good luck with the puppy, Nico!
> 
> The name Doggerman was given to me by ZeronB12 on twitch
> 
> ~OblivionDTD (Izanami-Yes-Okami on twitch)


End file.
